OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
