just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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