I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
