Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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