I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
