I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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