Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
