"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
