I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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