Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
