About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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