Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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