Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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