I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
