I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it