Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida