I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.