I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
