i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
