If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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