Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
