He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
