What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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