I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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