My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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