i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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