the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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