i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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