i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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