apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is Oprah even human
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
