It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
