Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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