Cold hands, warm shart.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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