Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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