I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
