What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
