I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
