the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
