She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
