Please, let me fuck your mom
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
