Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She bit a glass in half.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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