if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize