Will you blow on my dice?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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