Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
