Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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