I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
