It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
