is your mom at the bar?
look no pants
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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