You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize