I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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