And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
