so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
