Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
