I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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