I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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