I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
