Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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