Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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