he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
