Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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