if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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