never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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