For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
