R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The feeling are messing with the penis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
